First blog, feels kinda weird. To be honest never though much of the whole blogging business but lately I'm needing some way to get everything off my chest, so despite my best efforts to bottle stuff up I'm just gonna try this. Feeling pretty cool right now of course, absolutely no offence to anyone who regularly uses blogging to express feelings etc, but always seemed to see it as pointless, maybe it is, but either way I'll give it a go.
I've always been somebody who's just got on with stuff. I mean I have nothing to complain about really, I've got a great life with potentially endless opportunities almost laid out for me, but lately I feel like I'm like almost lost in at all. Now keep in mind I've got a tendency to over exaggerate, and maybe I'm just in one of those moods I don't know, but especially tonight, it's like for the first time in maybe since I've stood on my own two feet I'm questioning my ability in everything, in anything. Keep asking myself what I'm good at, when basically the one thing I felt I could do, the one thing that set me apart from everyone else, I'm actually pretty crap it. This sounds ridiculous I know, but what happens when your confidence in the things you pride yourself in the most just shatters, and your friends, family, friends family, outshine you in more ways than one, and your just left slightly meaningless.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself honest, it's just the feeling of having nothing to pride yourself in, it's absolutely shite. Academics aren't my things, the sports I thought I stood out in and enjoyed weren't really my thing, I can't seem to keep hold of a simple routine, 'cause routine's clearly aren't my thing either, so I wanna know what is my thing. Laughed writing that, clearly I'm not crap at turning something simple into an immature joke.
I guess what I'm trying to say, trying to ask, is what do you do when you realize what you thought you were sure about suddenly changes, or it's been unsure all along. It's the simplest thing, achieving something small then building your way up, having this amazing feel of pride and worthiness, I want that feeling back. I want my confidence back, to have self confidence like I used too. Even things like helping people, helping people really close to me I just can't even seem to manage that, I mean what kind of person can't just help people. It's ridiculous, I can't seem to get a grasp of what I want or need, and now it's resulted in me blogging about it. Desperate times.
In other words, I'm crap at the stuff I always seemed to think I was good at. What happens now.
