Crappest 2 days in such a long time. Crappest should be a word. Typical how I only write stuff like this when I need to get stuff off my chest, never write about any good days or happy memories.
I've never once in my life thought of myself as naive, never, definitely other things but never naive, but after this weekend I've pretty much concluded that all this sarcasm, all this stupid wit was just hiding my naivety, hiding the fact I pray every night and believe there's somebody watching over us who really does care. Can't believe I'm writing this.
I always thought some people were different, especially one. But your not really. And I never thought I'd have watch somebody scream at their little boy for the tiniest thing, never thought I'd look around for somebody to say something only too find people just look away and hope they don't have to get involved, because of course it's not their problem is it. That's just bullshit in my opinion. I'm fully aware crap like this happens everywhere, every day, all the time, but funny how I always thought there was a silver lining to everything, but that boy, that's just his life, where's his silver lining. I've got a silver lining that applies to pretty much everything, but even the people closest to you can let you down in a instance. I need to grow a pair as I'm forever saying, but it's the trust that's gone. It literally makes me feel sick, all of this. None of this will make sense to anybody reading this, but I guess it's not here for anyone's sake, it's here for me, for me to stop bottling everything up without having to utter a single word. How am I supposed to look them in the eye and tell them I'm finding really hard to find what I saw before, somebody who wasn't like anyone else, who put everybody else to shame with their strength, and their ability to make me feel like I didn't have to be like anybody else, I could yeno just be me. Now I feel like I've gotta be somebody completely different, someone new, someone who doesn't react to things like this, has different morals, looks completely different, somebody I'd pretty much hate. The lies, and the deception, it just makes me cry with anger, and I hate crying, I hate it so much. Talking about it would be ten times worse than writing it mind. They looked me in the eye, and lied, I mean if they really cared as much as they say, they wouldn't pick somebody over me surely. Sounds so fricking ridiculous but it feels like I've been cheated on.
What chance has anyone got without somebody they can trust, somebody they can fall back on. What chance has anybody got at all really.
