You called me up again just to break me like a promise,
so casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I wish I were inspired by what's happened. I wish I could somehow mold this shitty pain into some sort of irrefutable determination that could raise me far above this envy and self doubt that I'm constantly carrying round.
More than anything I cannot stand people judging me, judging my pain, like they have any idea what it's like. It's not a severe as it could be, thank god, but it's pain. It's heart wrenching and it's inescapable, so no matter how opinionated you are, and no matter what your experience on the matter is - don't you dare for a second suggest to me to simply get over it, get over this. The fact people can say that show they have no fucking clue. Think I like being like this? Think aaagain. I hate being this difficult and bitter, and I hate having to hide it so I'm not hurting certain people's feelings, as if they'd actually have the courtesy to do the same for me if the pain was their own.
Somehow I got lost in your promises and stupid childish smile - ended up this angry, self loathing and unappreciative mess. Never again. How people do this 5, 6 times in a lifetime is beyond me.
